twelve hours

in that amount of time, a lie worth eight years will come to a end.

i'm frightened, anxious almost

but anticipating the moment nonetheless.

it will be a reunion between city and soul, and as corny as that may sound,

i'm feeling abnormally overwhelmed and sentimental.

and trust me

i'm really sentimental.

hey

this really hurts.

where did you go?

i've cried all day.

i don't know what to do anymore.

it struck me today while were riding together in the car

that my little brother was really gone.

there would be no more baby voices,

no more parachute cheeks or running to me for protection--

these things were gone a long time ago.

i'm having a very hard time letting this go.

people are telling me things.

and just this fact is killing me.

but it's my fault, i know. i admit

i lost myself somewhere along the way, too.

i'm so sorry.

i'm so sorry.

a swelling up

it's starting again. i can feel it.

it's been longer than i thought:

that familiar, stained wanting, the need to see red

it's in the way i eye the reflection in the mirror

awkward shapes stuck together with a bit too much cushioning.

everything is just awkward.

awkward

awkward

awkward.

there is a time for everything

our roles are reversed.

you came out of the bedroom--face, eyes, red

and it hits me like light

in a dark room how

sad you must be.

i want to ask for more time, another chance

so that maybe you will find it in your heart to forgive me

i will be amiable, so that another

painful knot might unravel

i'll eat more rice, i promise

and then we can laugh again.